How NOT to fall and make a fool of yourself in social situations

The past few days have been rather unlucky, in the respect that I am feeling rather banged up today. Injured, I mean. I tend to get hurt quite frequently, to my and my parents' dismay. But the past couple days have been... well, extreme.

Yesterday, after taking a series of slips and trips, I decided to take a long bath in my jacuzzi tub. Relaxing, eh? So, I put some towels next to the heater, turned on some Northern Soul, and added some essential oils to the piping hot bath water. Well, let's just say that everything did not go as planned. First, I couldn't get the heat right... I like my baths basically scalding, and I just couldn't get the water hot enough. It kept going all lukewarm on me, which is definitely not okay. Eventually, I got that dilemma worked out and was able to mostly relieve my soreness with the jets.

But, when I woke up this morning, I realized I wasn't quite cured after all. I'm allergic to bubble bath and several soaps and oils, and I accidentally added one of those to my bath, it seems. I got a pretty bad allergic reaction on the palms of my hands and soles of my feet... So, I decided it would be a good idea to lotion them.... Well, it may have been a good idea except for the next idea I had... to wear rubber shoes. I'm an idiot, I really am. I was slipping and sliding around all day long in my shoes.

Then, as I went to leave school, I found a new enemy: the snow. I managed to fall several times in my rubber shoes and, as they are flats, my feet became completely numb. I had to actually take my shoes off and book home, it was so bad. I couldn't feel my feet at all, and it seems that on the way home I stepped on several shards of rock and glass, which dug into my feet... I didn't realize that there were several pieces of glass sticking out of my foot, though, because I couldn't feel a damn thing thanks to the almost-frostbite I acquired. I was walking around my house when suddenly the sensation in my feet came back and I got quite a shock...

I got the glass out and slipped into some comfy socks... Then I decided to disinfect the tweezers I used to take out the glass using a pot of boiling water. Well, not only did I spill the boiling water on myself, I also set my elbow down on the stove burner and gave myself burns, which I think are only first-degree but who the hell knows.

After all of these crises had passed, I managed to go about the rest of my afternoon routinely. I thought I was finally done with my series of accidents, but then I took one more tumble... I was just walking out the door when a huge patch of ice spun me in all directions. It was a pretty bad fall and I totally landed on my ass, which was embarrassing to say the least.

Now, I have retreated to my bedroom where I figure no one and nothing can injure me. As long as I'm alone. And not moving.

I do have a bit of a rep for getting hurt, I suppose. It's not my fault, really. I'm just... a bit clumsy, I suppose? I have a bad habit of falling and tripping over things, which usually makes me look like a complete idiot. I also tend to drop things and knock things over and break things, usually valuable, and I also have a habit of losing things and forgetting things and just plain not doing things.

I suppose that's all. I'm in a pretty grumpy mood at the mo'. It's probably accountable to the fact that every part of my body is bruised, burned, cut, or injured in some other way.

So, children. There's a lesson to be learned here. Don't wear rubber flats in March. Don't lotion your feet and then wear rubber flats, no matter what time of year it is. Don't put oils in your bath that will cause your feet to need to be lotioned so that you can't wear your brand new rubber flats. Don't get hurt in the first place, that way you won't need to take a bath that will cause an allergic reaction which will cause your feet to need lotion and ruin your chances of wearing your favorite rubber flats, even if it is March and snowy. Additionally, if you end up wearing your rubber flats, don't fall in the snow, causing them to get soaking wet and leave you unable to walk in them, resulting in no other option except to run home barefoot on the cold, barren concrete, which will probably result in cutting your feet on shards of glass which happen to be carelessly strewn about the road. You can probably also try to avoid spilling boiling water on yourself, setting your arm down on a stove burner set to High, and slipping on ice (even though the walkway was supposed to be "salted").

Also, you may want to avoid ever trusting me to hold onto your favorite necklace. And absolutely do not let me borrow your car. Because with me, everything that can possibly go wrong will most certainly go wrong.

This all started with me just wanted to take a bath. A measly little bath, because I was sore from falling down the stairs. But, of course, it escalated into a chronicle of misfortunes which only resulted in more injuries.

I think one of those YouTube people should come and just film me. No more filming at random moments to see if you happen to catch someone getting hurt. I'm a guarantee.

=)

CK